Financial Astrology is the real truth of this planet, and yet, the debate over Pluto rages on; Is it a planet, isn’t it a planet, is it a ‘dwarf’ planet, is it smaller than Eris, is it bigger than Eris. OK guys (Astronomers I mean), we know you all want to compare the size of what’s in your pants, but leave the Solar System out of it will ya.

Financial Astrology and Pluto

Pluto - Financial Astrology

Financial Astrology makes use of the Dwarf Planet.

It doesn’t really matter who has a bigger package – or what the Astronomers of the world want to call Pluto. None of us like to be labeled. And if you interview 100 women you will find that 90 out of 100 will agree that size isn’t the most important thing. The finances on the other hand, are more important which is where the financial Astrology of Pluto comes into play. Wikipedia has a good definition here. Which is a nice overview of what financial astrology is all about.

In financial Astrology we make use of the planets to predict trends, changes and find opportunities for ourselves. Finacial Astrology can also provide amazing insight into how we share what we have with other people – and why. Astrologically speaking, Pluto is the planet of subconscious “ID” desires as Freud would like to describe it. In true Freudian fashion, Pluto is all about the sex drives as well as the desire for power, control and domination – which often translates into the world of finances and Financial Astrology. Pluto is no lightweight by any measure – and even though he may be light compared to the other objects in our solar system, he packs a pretty good punch.

Pluto is also responsible for our collective unconscious and the drives that effect it as well as the merging of ourselves with others in not just the sex act, but also how we work together to get our needs met. He governs things like stocks, bonds and the use of money as well as shared resources, which is why he is useful in financial astrology. He’s a pretty important player on the stage of life, and right now, with our current financial world woes, I would have to say he’s most definitely making his presence felt. It is probably the movement of Pluto more than any other planet that has had a huge impact on the world finances – thus proving his usefulness in Financial Astrology.

So, when all is said and done, the Pluto in your Astrology Chart doesn’t really care if he’s a planet, a dwarf, an Oort belt object or a pink cupcake with frosting. He just makes sure that you know all about power, passion and the depths of your unconscious mind. He also has a major impact on ALL financial matters (financial astrology), and this current debate about weather or not he exists seems to make a perfect metaphor for what is taking place in the world finances right now, and Financial Astrology gives a good glimpse into how that will play out. So Pluto is useful, no matter how much macho size posturing the Astronomers of the world like to do, which is why he is the first thing I look at when doing a Financial Astrology Reading for a client.

Originally referred to as your star sign, your Sun sign represents the sign of the Zodiac that the Sun was in at the time of your birth. The Sun rules willpower and ego. It is the core of your potential and uniqueness as an individual; who you are and what you are about.

Your Sun sign represents the main direction and focus you want your life to take and your determination to accomplish what you set out to do. It represents your personal honesty and integrity, your ability to command respect and authority and your capacity to impress and influence others.

The beginning and end dates for each of the signs can vary from year to year. We suggest you take a look at our cusp page for greater information if you were born on a cusp.

I am ARIES: Follow Me – Ruled by Mars

Aries is the intrepid leader, the explorer and the ground breaker. Whatever it is, wherever you go, it is always the Ram who wants to climb it, conquer it, or get to it first. Being first is preferable to this person, in fact, if they discover that they aren’t in fact the first, best, fastest, etc, they may just lose all interest. ‘If I can’t be the best, well, then I don’t want to be at all,’ is how the logic goes.

The Arian spirit was alive and well in the pioneers who trekked across America and got to the other side, crossing canyons, rivers and mountain ranges. ‘I will get there, by God, or die trying,’ is the Aries battle cry. But don’t expect to hear them state that mission out loud. They don’t have time for that, they’re too busy taking action and heading out on that new exploration, mission or idea. Often, even before the Ram has articulated the thought the action is taken. Sometimes, even before the danger is assessed, they’re already in too deep to get out.

Everything is to be explored and understood through action to the Aries native. Straightforward and without guile, the Ram is sometimes called naïve. Because he has no time to think up labyrinthine schemes and manipulations he cannot even conceive of the idea that others would. He has no time for such complications, and is shocked – shocked I tell you! And horribly disappointed – when others do.

Aries can, at times, unintentionally run roughshod over others in her haste. Because they are not complicated, and because they know what they want, our Mars friend has no trouble going right out and getting it. This is all well and good when operating within the rules of social grace and diplomacy, but well, those aren’t qualities that land naturally in the Ram’s consciousness. And sometimes he or she can forget to pay attention to the needs of those around them. Perhaps this is why he has earned a reputation for selfishness. While it is true that some can be self-involved, when an Aries has a cause in mind he will work tirelessly for himself and those he cherishes in order to accomplish it. When you find a diplomatic Arian you can be sure this is one Ram who has consciously made an effort to develop these traits – just ask him, he will be more than happy to tell you all about it. Sharing their exploits with others is one of their favorite things – even the exploits of self-development.

All the signs learn through their opposite polarity, and the opposite of Aries is Libra. Therefore the Arian native learns most about him or herself through partnership and partners (ruled by Libra). This is that delicate balance of I-You-We that ultimately slows down the impulsiveness of this conqueror, knocks the rough edges off the diamond and lends enjoyment to the process of accomplishment that is relentlessly active within the Ram’s consciousness.

If you love an Aries don’t be afraid to cheer for them, the more the better, they’d like and entire squad in the front yard, if they could have it. And don’t be afraid to toot your own horn either, they want you to be as cool, flashy, dramatic and enthusiastic as they feel about you. All this need for conquest can lead to promiscuity, but not very often I find. Most Ram’s are surprisingly committed, unless they get bored.

Subtlety can be lost on them, so if you want him to know you are attracted to him – show some cleavage. If you want to turn her head, promise her the Moon and Stars, make a fuss. All Ram’s like to turn heads and get gasps – so don’t be shy. But if you are shy, that’s ok, she’ll like you anyway, as long as she can coo over you until you turn beet red. The Aries loves romance and knows how to do it right. So wrap yourself in a romantic adventure and remain a mystery constantly requiring a new adventure and he or she will want to conquer you over and over again.

I am TAURUS: Pamper me – Ruled by Venus

Taurus is acquisitive and sensual in the extreme and can judge their experience of life by the things they feel touch taste and own. They have good taste, and want the best in life.

The Bull has been accused of being materialistic, and while this can be true, the sensate being that is Taurus appreciates and cherishes the finery and luxury in life, and often acquires it for this reason. But they have no problem working hard for those things. The trouble is how hard on themselves they can become in this quest for comfort and luxury. They are rarely frivolous, they simply recognize and appreciate quality and value, and make sure that they get the most that is possible.

The saying, ‘If you would just give me the luxuries in life, I would gladly do without the necessities,’ can apply to certain natives of this sign. This internal yardstick measuring ‘the best’ and constantly finding the world lacking can lead to disappointment and frustration for our Bullish friends. Is it any wonder that the Stock Market uses the Taurus symbol to indicate positive economic growth?

Yes, things of value and resources are usually what the Taurus is most interested in. This includes a fine palette for discerning the best in art, fabric, quality craftsmanship, and music. Never forget that music has a visceral effect on your Taurus, and can single-handedly melt and seduce even the most impenetrable Bull’s façade. In fact if you are trying to influence any Taurus in any way, you will be well rewarded to use beauty, pastoral surroundings, sensual luxuries and delicious scents, sounds and tastes. The earthy Bull experiences life through their physical senses, please them and you will be rewarded.

Usually physically beautiful, but sometimes vain, the sensuality of the Taurean is legendary. Slow and thorough, they will bring you an appreciation of the physical that you may not be able to reach on your own. When a Taurus decides to do something, well, they only want to do it if they can do it right, beautifully and with utmost class.

Usually they have strong ideas about things, and once their minds are set on something trying to dissuade him is like trying to move Mount Olympus – a noble but ineffective effort. In fact, once a Taurus decides they have had enough of you and what you have to say, up come the iron walls, and the only way to cope with being shut outside the fortress is to just wait for the BULL to decide to give you a second chance. My only suggestion for someone who has found them selves on the wrong side of this impenetrable citadel is to send gifts. Isn’t that how Troy was conquered?

The Bull learns about themselves through the issues represented by their opposing sign Scorpio. A great deal of the Taurus psychology is devoted towards property and material security, as well as individual autonomy of resources. Scorpio represents shared resources and the sexual merging between two individuals. Therefore, the Taurus will learn a great deal about the self by merging, bonding and sharing with another person. After all, what good are all those physical, sensual resources if they aren’t to be shared? It is also an essential part of the Bull’s process to learn to cope with the inevitable issues of control and balance that merged resources represents within a sexual partnership.

If you love Taurus rub his or her shoulders, kiss and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. She will melt. Share good music, good food and beautiful views of nature with your earthy paramour, and you may be confronted with more sensuality and erotic license than you were ready for!

Above all else though, if you treat your Bullish love like a cherished, adored and beautiful deity they will return the favor with luxury, sensuality, beauty and devotion. When a Taurus gives their heart and decides to love you, they do so with all their heart, soul and body.

I am Gemini: Fascinate me – Ruled by Mercury

Gemini exists to think and ponder and experience his ideas. Concepts, cleverness, wit, mental challenges, and conundrums of all types are sources of endless fascination for our mercurial friends.

Give your Twins a problem to solve, an idea to explore and watch what happens. Much like the ignition of elements in the beaker of a science lab, various compound reactions are possible – though rarely predictable. Oh, yes, your Twins are proud of their mutability, their unpredictability, the very essence of what makes them, well a them. There’s a very good reason why the symbol for Gemini is the Twins. They are most definitely a they rather than he or she.

There is a decidedly changeably face presented by these folks, which makes them very, very good actors, mimics, and yes, maybe even a few schizophrenics in the bunch. Words are their weapon of choice, and get collared by one and you will soon find yourself swimming in a sea of them. A Gemini could sell snow to an Eskimo.

Slick and smooth in the extreme, the talented Twin is able to present the appropriate face at any moment he needs to summon it, and therefore makes a natural diplomat. When serving the needs of an ideal or cause the Gemini among us knows how to influence the minds of others and maneuver great alliances into being.

Sometimes he has been accused of being dishonest. Well, when this does happen, it is because the Gemini cannot resist the temptation to practice his cleverness and facility at creating illusion. Much like the elusive Mystique character in X-men, the Twins powers can be used for good or evil. Only he or she – or they – can decide which. Ultimately the karma of being born a Gemini is about learning about communication and each of our responsibility regarding it.

Twins learn through their opposite, the sign of Sagittarius and so, ultimately this detail oriented mercury mind learns to see the big picture and develop a philosophy as represented by broad minded Sag. The Gemini with an ideal or cause to pursue is a Gemini with a spring in his or her step, a sense of purpose and above all, something to ground all that excess personal electricity with.

Oh, the acrobatic Twins can be so nimble, so clever and oh so entertaining. But really he is searching for an intellectual challenge, stimulation, fascination that will cause her to become absorbed and require utmost and complete concentration. Oh, how dreary life becomes for these Mercury minded folks when their minds are allowed to wander too far. Give them a challenge! Spark their imagination, shake their concepts!

If you can do so, they will run right out and woo you, wow you, razzle-dazzle you and throw in a few back flips just for good measure. These are the thinkers of the zodiac, and if this fine mind isn’t allowed to waste it’s time on trivial gossip then they are the problem solvers, the flashes of insight and brilliance that hurl us forward with new ideas. Ideas, spark evolution and revolution. But by that time the Twins are long gone, bored and ready to find a new puzzle to bend their minds around.

If you love a Gemini be clever and witty. Tease them, tie their brains into little pretzels and make them laugh. If they decide you are interesting enough for them then they will constantly delight you with their words, charming surprises, thoughtfulness, cheer and sheer zaniness

I am CANCER: Nourish me – Ruled by the Moon

CANCER is famous for moods. Like the MOON that rules them, they have cycles, moods, ebbs and flows. Their watery depths beg for exploration, and fascinating though they are, they are equally inscrutable. Like the secrets locked away in the tides of the ocean’s movements, the CRAB’S temperament is simultaneously mesmerizing and changeable.

Also similar to the waves, CANCER contains within it much of the nurturing, cradling life-force that we associate with the vast expanses of the ocean’s waters. From the ocean is where life began on this planet, and CANCER contains within it the psychological aspects of motherhood.

Contrary to popular belief this does not make the male MOON-CHILD feminine. Quite the contrary, male CRABS are defenders of honor, loyal, duty-bound and deeply present for those they care for. And CANCER’S care, above all else they care for, nurture, soothe and protect those whom they become attached to.

Some say that the CRAB is grabby, or clingy. The truth is that the CANCER feels things so deeply and profoundly, and has such a fear of loss, abandonment and separation that once they have found something or someone that gives them comfort, they hang on for dear life. Like a baby with their favorite blankie, the CANCER may hang onto their possessions, habits, or even you! But it’s not so bad, the MOON-CHILD will be sure to make you feel equally safe and secure – after all that is what they are seeking and creating in life.

The important thing to understand about the CRAB native is that this is a karma associated with abandonment and loss of some sort. And while this is sad on some level, it is also the destiny of CANCER to learn to nourish themselves, and in so doing they nourish others, which in turn nourishes them back. These people are here to learn what really matters in life and what is merely empty calories. Learning to identify and fulfill our true and real needs – on all levels – is the domain of the CANCER. In so doing they shed their shells like the hermit crab and learn to let go of old meaningless associations and approach life with a true understanding of their own strength, a strength that they are glad to lend to you. If you need someone to lean on the CRAB will be there, hanky in hand, offering you their broad shoulders, or ample bosom to lean on.

Warm and comfortable, approachable, welcoming, and safe are all hallmarks of your local CRAB, but don’t forget, they do have a hard shell and claws. Hurt a MOON-BABIES feelings and watch out! You won’t even see that zinger coming. You see CRAB’S lurch sideways and shuffle erratically, reaching out unexpectedly to either grab a hold of something (or someone) they want or to throw a left hook in self-defense. All that zigging and zagging, and seemingly random meandering has a purpose. A CRAB always times his move for maximum effect, and for better or worse, you’ll feel it. Fortunately CANCER’S are rarely vengeful or even interested in a protracted fight — unless of course. their security is threatened. Thank goodness, or else one could wind up with permanent claw marks in their right shoulder!

A CANCER always learns through it’s opposite sign CAPRICORN, who embodies stoicalness, tradition, authority, the measure of time, as well as structure. Ultimately the CRAB native learns to form some sort of structure within which to hold all that watery feeling stuff, so that it doesn’t wind up spilling all over the place and creating an emotional, muddy morass filled with quicksand. Emotion has great power — just like water, especially when contained and focused, this lesson is part of the CRAB’S journey, however crooked that walk winds up being.

If you love a MOON-CHILD, feed him or her, stroke their tummy and give them warm loving hugs. Make them feel safe. They will return to you doting affection, undying support, fierce loyalty, and deep, watery, sensitive lovemaking that touches you to the core, and washes over you like a tidal wave.

Did you need me to tell you that water was passionate?

I am LEO: Respect me – Ruled by the Sun

So regal, so proud, so intimidating is the LION that it’s hard to imagine that they could ever feel disrespected. Oh yes, his swagger is famous, her reputation precedes her. People fear, admire and mostly stand in stunned awe at the sight of a LEO. I’ll let you in on a secret, even the shy ones strike awe in the hearts of their comrades. That regal bearing, that mane of hair! She must be royalty.

But of course, every LEO is royalty, as king of beasts, he rules the forest. And just in case you were tempted to forget, God gave her a roar that won’t be ignored. To be in the audience of a LEO is to walk into the room with a Rock Star – and don’t you forget it!

Some of our LIONINE friends have discovered the burden of being born with such a BIG personality, and these ones shy away from and even hide from the throngs of humanity. You see, once surrounded by people their magnetic solar radiance takes over and literally draws people to them, like moths to the flame. It’s not their fault really. Like the SUN in our own Solar System, the other planets flock around, bathing in the heat source for gravity, direction and warmth. And the LEO is generous, make no mistake, she will give lavishly and slather affection upon those closest to her. How exhausting it can become to be pulled on by so many other people, all requiring a measure of the LEO’S energy.

So naturally the LION takes over. Isn’t that what is expected of them? Oh, this is all so exhausting. First they want the LION’S attention, and then they get upset because he want’s to do things HIS way. Like Rodney Dangerfield the LEO suddenly feels like he, ‘can’t get no respect,’ and then slinks away with the proverbial thorn in her paw only to belt out a mournful version of Aretha’s ‘R-E-S-P-E-C-T.’ Trouble is, everyone else is too terrified to come near the clawful cat.

Oh, if only the LION could find someone who respected them, but didn’t cower in their presence. And the only answer to this conundrum my dear cat is that respect is a self-induced commodity and does not come from outside. Just as the LEO becomes bored and impatient with the needs and demands of others, so too do others become frustrated with the lordly LION’S demands.

It’s not called a pride of LION’S for no reason you see. But to truly understand your territorial cat, you must realize that he is slightly afraid of himself, no make that terribly afraid of himself, because he, more than anyone is aware that he can be deadly. Thus the cowardly Lion of Oz. The true remedy for all that ails any cat among us is a dose of courage, which at it’s essence means to lead with the heart. And when the cat does so, it is warmth, smiles and hugs all around, not to mention a healthy dose of levity and humor. There is little the LEO appreciates more than some good back slapping laughter.

Like all the signs LEO learns through it’s opposing sign of AQUARIUS who represents humanitarianism, the needs of the masses and starry eyed idealism. When the SUN-GOD gains a measure of broad-mindedness, he begins to understand and want to use his radiant magnetism for a greater good. And she becomes the hearth around which all the members of her society gather for regeneration, sustenance and comradeship.

If you love a LEO honor him or her, and be strong and dignified so that your LION can be proud of you. Give them jewels that match their eyes, and never, never be afraid to put on a show. A LEO is always a sucker for a well-dressed paramour, so go ahead and dress to the nines, you can bet your LION will be — even for the beach. Your cat wants to cause a small sensation every time they walk into the room, lucky you, you just found the best arm piece in town.

Sexy and slinky, you can count on some real heat once you are alone with one, and enough wattage to light up your entire neighborhood!

I am VIRGO: Perfect me – Ruled by Mercury

The VIRGIN is fine, neat, orderly, and above all healthy, perhaps a bit obsessively so. They say that genius is in the details, and if that is true then VIRGO has more than it’s fair share of geniuses. Everything in their world operates like well-oiled machinery, or at least it should, and if it doesn’t the poor VIRGO gets, well, distressed.

Usually well mannered and highly conscious of all social graces our hero the VIRGIN rarely makes a scene, even when the messy disarray of life is causing an internal aneurism to erupt in his finely tune psyche. Oh, yes they can be perfectionists our delicate friends the VIRGOANS.

You see, there exists in these people a finely tuned radar, an antennae, a precariously balanced series of weights and measures designed to carefully maintain a sense of order. The secret truth about these people is that they are deeply, personally, privately, delicately sensitive beings. (Sshhh! Don’t tell anyone!) Like your proverbial Librarian, they don’t want loud noises in the library, and to the VIRGO, all of life would be a little bit better if we would just treat everyplace as if it were a library. It would save so much trouble! And make things so much more efficient!

The mental sensitivity of MERCURY causes our manner-full friends to constantly seek mental peace, and this they look for through better, smoother, more efficient systems. If something needs organizing, cataloging, put into order or refined in any way shape or form then VIRGO is your man. It’s just that this attitude can be slightly out of place at, say, a sporting event.

Some people claim the the VIRGIN can be fussy, precious, even anal. But you must understand, if it weren’t for her concern with keeping things in place then what would become of civilization I ask you? The entire fabric of society would unravel without her neatly printed rules of conduct and order — thank you miss manners! To be sure, if you were wondering if spectator pumps are appropriate to wear after Labor Day, have no fear, VIRGO is here with the answer. (No). If you need your closet organized, an event catered, your schedule organized, call in one of these MERCURY minded folks. VIRGO’S are the everyday, unsung, overlooked, salt of the earth hero’s who quietly make sure that the business of the world gets handled; the beds get made, the kids get off to school with a well-balanced breakfast, the dry cleaning gets picked up, the train leaves on time, the lint gets removed from your jacket…. Whew!

Since the essence of the VIRGO karma is purity, they get annoyed when their mental purity is sullied. It’s important to remember that perfection is a nice ideal, but humanity is, well, messy and imperfect. And in the end it is our imperfections that make us human.

The VIRGIN learns about the self through the psychological aspects represented by it’s compliment, PISCES — who represents mysticism, spirituality, transcendence and ecstatic states of consciousness. Ultimately, the VIRGO learns that by perfecting their individuality (metaphoric virginity) they are able to blend and unify with all of humanity, and become part of the whole, and in this way they feel useful, necessary and purposeful. They begin to see the forest AND the trees, and to appreciate that beautiful sunset setting just beyond them.

If you love a VIRGIN don’t be surprised that this reference has little to do with sex. Although not famous for loving sex for it’s own sake, your VIRGO will want to perform it as perfectly as anything else they undertake, which can mean this VIRGIN has a lot of experience in the bedroom. And you know what they say, practice makes perfect! To get closer to one of these chisled specimens of human health, buy them a plant, make them a wheat grass shake, go to yoga with one. Get really into macrobiotics, show him or her that you intend to take perfect care of your health just as they do. Behave impeccably, open doors, throw your coat over puddles, show her that you will work for her attentions. Your VIRGO will be impressed, and reward you for your efforts — she hates to see hard work and effort go unnoticed!

I am LIBRA: Compliment me – Ruled by Venus

Our VENUSIAN friends are not only looking for harmony, symmetry, balance, grace and beauty, they also seek and long for the blending of harmonies, the union of opposites. If they Yin they seek your Yang, if they’re Blue they seek Orange, or Purple for their Yellow. The psychology of the LIBRA cannot exist without a polar opposite through which to define the self.

The SCALED ONES define themselves through both their similarities and their differences to others. No one is more viscerally aware that the human experience is painfully isolated by our individuality, and yet endlessly fascinating because of our differences, comparisons and similarities.

Your LIBRA neighbor can become enthralled ad infinitum with the aesthetics of self and other. Lost in the endless kaleidoscopic fascination of the play of light between individuals, the magnetism and beauty of attraction. The endless harmonies and changing light works set off through human chain reactions can pull our visual LIBRAN into a veritable vortex of fascination, from which they may never emerge.

To call them shallow would, well, be shallow of us. Although your friend the SCALES can indeed appear obsessed with dreamy, frivolous pastimes there are very real forces pulling within them with which they must contend.

LIBRA is the zodiac sign charged with understanding the nature of pairing, partnering and union with others. They are painfully, exquisitely, aware that individually they are alone, and must join forces with others. The entire focus of their being is hurled into an awareness of this need, and the process of understanding, contemplating and creating such unions has such depth, such meaning and such repercussions that they anguish, assess, weigh, balance, question, test, verify, test some more, and generally spend all of their time deciding what to do and how to do it. Until of course they see, feel or learn something new. Then the entire process begins all over again.

The LIBRA more than any other sign must test and retest their own senses. And through this constantly evolving process he comes to understand his own likes and dislikes. It is a slow evolution. She tries spicy peppers because you like them. Hmm, so interesting, fascinating this sensation of burning fire in my mouth. I must understand more. Why do you like this? Pretty soon, sweat pouring down her lovely face she decides, no, I don’t like this. You must be crazy, why would you suggest such a thing to me? But then if you like it, there must be some secret locked within this torturous experience that will lead me to a deeper understanding of my bond with you. And so it goes for the SCALE PERSON testing one thing and then another against all previously known experience. Seeking to understand. A never-ending journey to be sure.

And yes, the LIBRA person has a well developed sense of aesthetics. They want life to be pleasing to the senses. They want to be pleasing to the senses and to be appreciated as such. Worship her, and she will worship you back. Trouble is, all this art, beauty and illusion can become, well, a bit stagnant.

Like water that sits still for too long, your LIBRA has been know to get a bit muddy. This is how he learns from his complimentary sign ARIES – who teaches him about the value of action, motion and enthusiasm. Ultimately the SCALE-BEARER learns to understand all this union, balance, testing and verification as part of a life filled with direction, process and motion. And then he finds his place in the world as the judge and champion for the virtue of fairness.

If you love a LIBRA stare deeply into his eyes. Compliment him or her, both with words, and with your actions. Shower beauty upon her. Take him to a museum. But most of all convey with your words and actions your respect for the bond, mutuality and union that you share together. They will fill your days and nights with dreamy romance, poetic musings, and lyrical lovemaking

I am SCORPIO: Overwhelm me – Ruled by Pluto (and Mars)

The legend of the SCORPIO precedes them. Even before he or she enters the room, before they open their mouths to utter a peep the whole room has inexplicably hushed in anticipation. Everyone is watching, in that studied nonchalant way that betrays the fact that of course, they themselves are not SCORPIO’S. You see, to the SCORP himself, all this attention is annoyingly silly, trivial really. ‘So what if I’m a little bit intense,’ she thinks. ‘If they can’t handle it then they can just buzz off, I couldn’t care less,’ he tells himself. But secretly they wonder why other people are always so fascinated with them, why other people always seem to make up and believe these Machiavellian intrigues about them. ‘All I did was answer the phone,’ she scoffs, ‘and now everyone is buzzing on about how I am having a secret affair with that Italian Grand Prix driver. Hmm, he does have a nice ass though.’

Is she or isn’t she? It certainly wouldn’t be beyond the SCORPION to punish an inattentive or abusive partner or lover for their insouciance. And never mind the fact that sex in all it’s variations and permutations is endlessly fascinating to them, occupying more than enough of their mental real estate to qualify as a National Monument. It’s no wonder that they keep their mouths firmly shut, secreting away their private thoughts. After all, they understand all too well that if they let it slip that they think so-and-so has great curves, before they know it everyone will be eyeing them suspiciously.

You see SCORPIO’S are comfortable, no make that fascinated with power in all it’s forms and permutations. And since very few things really frighten them, they can’t understand why they should frighten everyone else. Spend the night in that haunted house? You bet! Says the SCORP, no wonder other people get a little bit uneasy around them sometimes.

On some level all SCORPIO’S are dealing with karma of feeling unwanted or deeply thwarted at a profound and deep level. For this reason he or she is fascinated with what makes all of humanity tick. Deep, searching and penetrating minds belong to these people, not to mention sexy, charismatic, magnetic, brooding personalities and eyes that bore right through you seeming to look into your very soul. Well, don’t bother trying to hide in there; they readily understand the most intense, overwhelming and often unconscious motives that exist in the human psyche. They already live there.

And this is why they are represented by not one but three symbols in Astrology. They learn about themselves through the concepts represented by their opposing power – TAURUS, namely consistency, stability, and self-sufficiency of resources and an appreciation of the physical. Once they have transcended the intense, reactive reptilian–brained reactions associated with the SCORPION, they learn to become the SERPENT, legendary for his healing and rejuvenating powers. You see once our slinky friend has learned to transcend his baser motives, he is glad to assist you in doing the same – provided that you are willing to be as honest as he was in looking into your own sub-conscious and confronting the demons that lurk there. And finally the EAGLE or sometimes the PHOENIX represents the highest form of SCORPIO. This is the light gentle incarnation of SCORPIO. These are the ones who soar on vision quests and lead the rest of us to an understanding and appreciation of a higher order.

If you love a SCORPIO, study Transcendental Meditation with them, or better yet, Tantric Yoga. Share your deepest secrets and thoughts with her, promise undying loyalty. Your sexy SCORPIO will find every secret passionate place within you and play you like a violin. They are really seeking depth, merging and connection. Once he has captured you, he wants to keep you for good.

I am SAGITTARIUS: Explore me – Ruled by Jupiter

Roaming free upon the plains, wandering hither and yon this strapping young CENTAUR boldly goes where no man, er, horse has gone before. Or at least that’s the way our SAGITTARIAN friends imagine it. If she could have her way she would discover and immerse herself in every new culture, continent and galaxy available.

Endlessly fascinated by the places and people they have yet to meet, SAG’S are born explorers. It’s as if the world doesn’t really exist until they have turned over every rock, examined every leaf and poured themselves into every nook and cranny of it. They are born observers and commentators, and wherever you find groups of people gathered together, the CENTAUR will be drawn, as if by magnetic force, right into the center of the action. They are energetic to a fault, causing would-be traveling companions to drop like flies from exhaustion. Often you will find her in the center of the action, as, say, a professional athlete. But if injury or lack of athletic talent keeps him off the court, he’ll be commentating, making jokes and generally rousing the crowd to a state of enthusiastic fervor, or hysterical laughter. Oh yes, these people can be very, very funny.

As physically restless as the SAGITTARIUS usually is, he is equally restless mentally, seeking to engage and understand as many points of view and philosophy as can be crammed into one life span of experience. She may love to read, but she longs to go to the places she reads about, it’s only fear that holds her back. And it is always experience that the SAG native seeks out. You see, to some extent every last one of them feels like a Stranger in a Strange Land. And as such they do all they can to grok the local customs. It is in fact astonishing how many CENTAURS there are who move to a country other than the one they were born in, or who marry someone from a different culture than their own. Somehow they all feel like they didn’t quite fit into the mores and customs of their origins and so they strike out into the world to understand themselves and the place they came from. It is this kind of attitude that lands men and women on the moon, and teaches us new languages, cultural experiences and philosophies. Broadening horizons, for themselves, and everyone they have contact with is their secret purpose. Usually they disguise it very well under a magnanimous, JUPITERIAN smile, and an optimistic wave. Oh, they can be zealous, but you usually enjoy their company too much to take offense.

They are perhaps some of the luckiest people you know. Things just seem to fall into place for them. As he jaunts off into the sunset with barely two nickels to rub together you wonder what will ever become of the cockeyed, gawky lug, stumbling off into the sunset as he trips over his own oversized feet. And then 6 months, or 10 years later he returns with a Galleon filled with gold and raucous tales of adventure to share with you. But then that money disappears as easily as it arrived and he’s off into the sunset again. One might even get the feeling that to a CENTAUR, having a good story to tell is worth more than all the tea in China. And you would be right. These are our natural storytellers, and as such, often find themselves loved and revered for being so damned entertaining.

GEMINI, the natural compliment for SAG teaches them much about communication. You see people get annoyed when the Heroine of the story gallops off without a word. Ultimately, the philosopher in CENTAUR’S clothing learns to make an impact on people both hither and yon, by communicating with them, using words and sharing ideas. And then our Hero takes his place at the table as translator bringing ideas together to form something greater than before.

If you love one of these wandering adventurers, don’t even think about tying him or her down. Keep a bag packed at all times and get ready to explore the world. Get really good at telling jokes, and keep them chasing you. Make yourself unavailable, and exotic. Your CENTAUR will gladly play hide and seek with you over and over again, and exhaust you with the sheer athleticism of their lovemaking. Maybe you won’t have to play hide after all, maybe you’ll just need a break!

I am CAPRICORN: Honor me – Ruled by Saturn

Standing tall, shoulders back, solemn look on his face our CAPRICORN friends long to achieve the pinnacle of their profession, drawing the esteem and respect of their peers. Awards, medals, trophies, status symbols, titles and other distinctions of honor are coveted, and usually achieved by the rugged mountain GOAT.

Trouble is, that mountain is really tall, and really, really rocky, with icy peaks, and even, shudder, avalanches. No matter, the tougher the challenge, the more interested our patient planner is in reaching that highest pinnacle. You see he seeks to view the world from lofty heights, and by gum, he’ll get there, no matter who or what he has to kill to do it. Not that all CAP’S have a heartless streak, it’s just that many of them can’t understand other people’s weepy sentimentality. ‘Life is hard,’ your local GOAT snorts, ‘let’s get on with it.’ And she bounds effortlessly up a 90-degree incline, leaving you shaking in your hiking boots.

You see the goal is the thing for these people. He can be guilty of valuing the idea of the thing more than the thing or the process itself. And they want evidence, solid tangible proof of their successes. Because without that, he or she fears that they will not exist. So, so serious, the CAPRICORN is yoked with his own impossibly high standards, and has little interest in all that namby-pamby self-help hooey. Chin up, onward the good soldier marches. Above all else he feels the need to leave a legacy behind him, something to prove she was there after she is dead and gone. Just to prove to the world that they could, would, and in fact did accomplish what they set out to.

But where did all this self-doubt come from in the first place? Why such a strong need to make a mark on the world? To be sure, most people just look at their GOAT friends and marvel at their wonderful cheekbones, physical agility and apparent ability to get younger as time marches unforgivingly onward, not to mention their determined ability to just plain ‘get the job done.’

The legacy of such a strict SATURNIAN planetary ruler cannot be ignored though. And brings to our CAP natives an inner fear, insecurity and stoic acceptance of life as challenge and pain. But the news is not all bad, oh no. Many of our CAPPY friends have learned to find the wry irony in life, and these are the ones who will have you rolling on the floor with a dry, unexpected delivery of some of the funniest one liners you have ever heard. But don’t forget the tears of the clown. Often this humor is born of common pain and a deep understanding of human suffering.

The watery depths of CANCER compliment the CAPRICORN temperament, and through its lessons of human connection, feeling, bonding and loss the GOAT ultimately learns to slow down and smell the flowers along the way (as he chews on one for nourishment). The ones who have learned this lesson in life are the ones who share the humor and joy with the rest of us and work for a deeper purpose. Ultimately he can actually learn to enjoy and share his inner burdens with others, and maybe even get a break or two from that relentless inner driving force. And breaking through her Chanel-clad image, you find a remarkably practical, no-nonsense gold-hearted soul, who knows exactly how to make things happen in the world. CAP’S are amazingly effective when they set their minds to something, and know just how to deal with bureaucracy and red tape. They just need to learn to enjoy the process and connect with their fellow souls on the journey. They are more loved than they think.

If you love one of these serious people, give them a massage. Have a trophy made at the local trophy shop commending them just for being them – NOT for what they can, have, or will accomplish. Love her, tell her she is wonderful, and approve of him for his human qualities, and more and more of them will be revealed to you. The talented person who knows how to pull this CAPRICORN out of their shell will be rewarded with randy and inventive sex, and beautiful trinkets and jewels as evidence of your CAP’S feelings for you, so what if she has trouble actually saying it.

I am AQUARIUS: Dazzle me – Ancient Ruler Saturn, Modern Ruler Uranus

Innovative, inventive, brilliant and very unusual the AQUARIUS soul is nothing if not unique, sometimes terminally so. Our quizzical resident genius is usually the one who got dressed so quickly in the morning that his shoes are on the wrong feet and her bra is on over her shirt. Yes, the WATER-BEARER often elicits snickers from their fellow humans at they’re seeming ineptitude at normal human affairs. However, Just as often, these same smirking neighbors become stunned at the strokes of genius and innovation that the absent-minded professor-cum-mad-scientist produces.

One thing to be sure about your AQUARIAN friends, is that they don’t usually get too involved in these dynamics of human power play. They are far too busy figuring out new mathematical theorems, locked into the computer, or conceiving of ways to slice bread faster, better, and with less mess. Serving humanity is the goal of this complex thinker, and he can often forget about himself in the process, ergo that moldy sandwich sitting in the corner. ‘You brought that in on Tuesday, and today is Thursday? Hmm, that means I haven’t eaten in two days. No wonder I was feeling light headed.’ Everything gets sublimated to the ideas and thoughts that are rattling around in this person’s head.

The more complex the idea the better, she is bored with simple algorithms and will go out to seek more challenging mental stimulation. The brilliance of this mind is not to be underestimated. But just as importantly, we will all be better off it is also not wasted. You see, due to his need for such complex mentality, he will seek out trouble and troublemakers, if for no other reason than to try and understand them. After all what could be more fascinating than the incongruities of human behavior? ‘Illogical, captain,’ says Dr. Spock. And yet we somehow always get the sense that Mr. Spock is fascinated with trying to logically understand the irrational emotional machinery that makes the rest of us tick.

And then your AQUARIAN friend gets himself into an even more fevered line of analysis, sure that this time he can solve the unsolvable. And much to the surprise of all involved, even himself, sometimes he does. And it’s another leap forward for mankind.

You may have noticed how unswervingly, relentlessly, bull-doggedly attached to an idea the WATER-BEARER can become. And it is useless to argue the point with them. ‘There are absolutes in life,’ he rails. ‘Right is right and wrong is wrong.’ This person is so idealistic that one wonders sometimes how it is possible to live inside their heads. For her ideals are not something to be discussed or striven towards, they are laws, ironclad, immutable and as tangible as that rock cliff over there, and just as binding as gravity. It doesn’t matter if you don’t see things the same way they do. To the AQUARIAN there is only one way to see things. After all, his logic is impeccable, and so, like a math problem, are his conclusions. Trouble is, the human heart isn’t so cut and dried in it’s movements.

And so, the AQUARIUS learns through the concepts and qualities represented by his opposing archetype of LEO. This teaches him about the passion and fire of participation in life and the ability to stand tall and declare his own presence. Ultimately our WATER-BEARING genius discovers that by using her mental prowess to innovate the human experience she fulfills her need to simplify the complexity of the universe. And he simultaneously learns to participate in the mass experience through the strength of his own irrational drives and feelings.

If you love one of these easily distracted people, then become their best friend, pry them out of their isolation and take them to a party. Gently nudge them to pay attention to the mundane, annoyingly base needs of the human body. The AQUARIAN is kinky once you can get them in bed and she falls for a person who embodies their highest ideals. So if you can manage to become a fairy princess, a saint, or mother Theresa he will place you on a pedestal and revere you as the inspiration for all of his accomplishments.

How does it feel to be a Muse?

I am PISCES: Dream me – Ruled by Neptune

Imaginative, poetic, glamorous, and ethereal are the FISH folk among us. Like the inhabitants of their underwater wonderland these people seem to live life by a different set of rules than those of us on solid land. Gravity may not apply, and visuals get all distorted and hypnotic once you enter the domain of a PISCES person. Frothy and bubbly these people skip across the surface of life, playing with reflections on the surface of the water.

Like the proverbial bathing beauty in a bath full of bubbles, there is a certain allure and lyricism to their every move. No doubt the term ‘poetry in motion,’ was coined to describe one of these misty creatures. It doesn’t seem to matter how crisp the lighting is, your PISCEAN always seems a little bit blurry. It could just be the illusions and fantasies that your FISHY FRIEND manufactures as a matter of course clouding your eyes. Blink, blink, and now this FISH may seem to have changed shape, or size, or clothing, or… something.

It’s just that they are so damned sensitive! Hurt a FISH’S feelings and suddenly they go all cold fish on you, freezing you with the icicles that fall off their scaly selves. It can be really difficult to get a handle on this elusive creature. And don’t expect them to help you much either. She is far too enamored with her own variable, mystical, lyrical, changeable nature. He loves being an International Man of Mystery way too much to let you in on his secrets. The PISCES, to be sure is having a grand old time keeping everyone guessing whom he or she really is.

They are in fact fascinated with disguise, costume and illusion. ‘Ahhh, the roar of the crowd! The Smell of the greasepaint,’ is her anthem. Indeed this can be extremely confusing, not just to you, but to the FISH PERSON themselves. All this chameleon business can get pretty confusing. It’s just that they are so acutely psychically aware of what you want from them and the illusions that you project on them, who could blame them for helping you believe exactly what they want you to believe? Once in a while your PISCES can be a little bit deceptive, after all he is a master illusionist, move over Sigfreid and Roy.

The trouble is, sometimes she loses track of which person she really is in the process, and upon waking from an illusion soaked dream world she must face someone in the mirror. And this can send our two-directional FISH onto a long spiritual journey where they may discover that they can access even better ecstatic states of consciousness without drugs than they ever managed with them. You see the soul of the PISCES is seeking the spiritual source, and they are all natural mystics with a certain sway and influence over others.

Through learning to embrace their polar opposite VIRGO the PISCES person learns to pay attention to the details, to be clear, routine, and healthy. Once these lessons are integrated we find our fine FISHY fellow breaking down their talents into nice little palatable bites for the rest of us to share in, and like manna from heaven the PISCES teaches us to fulfill our spiritual needs and thereby nourish our souls and give life meaning. No small task to be sure. It’s no wonder that so many of them seek to avoid it and play in the shallow realms of life.

If you love a FISH provide them with lots of delight and poetry. Buy her gems, art and make-up. Take him to a show, the glitzier the better. Go on a pilgrimage with them, or better yet help them start their own religion. You will never tire of the endless ways your PISCES comes up with to keep your attention and fulfill your every fantasy.