I waited to buy my Iphone. I waited over a week actually, for several reasons.

FIRST: My astrological philosophy is that when something is hard to do – IE you must wait 6 hours in line to get your hands on a coveted iPhone device – then that is a BAD aspect and I don’t want to buy a phone at that time.

SECOND: As an Astrologer, I know that electronics croak when they are getting bad aspects from Neptune or to one’s own natal Neptune. I could regale you with sob stories about the PC that I had which crashed and burned like clockwork every few weeks until I finally had to force it back into Circuit City’s reluctant hands and demand a refund. But you get the idea.

Once that PC problem was solved I had a flash of insight: why not look at my own compatibility with the endlessly troublesome Microsoft/Windows platform. OHhhhhh, lookie, lookie – it couldn’t possibly be any MORE INCOMPATIBLE for me. Specifically we clashed in all directions Neptune related. Yep, that was it for me – no more Windows. My Mac and I have been living in digital bliss ever since.

Soooo, the moral of the story is that I waited to buy my iPhone until any pesky Astrology aspects that might threaten my lust affair with my new iphone were irrelevant. Even better, I made sure I was getting GOOD aspects. And it already paid off.

You see I went to court today to fight one of those new fangled camera snap-shot traffic tickets (we can all thank Saturn in Virgo for these). Ultimately the only way to fight this ticket is to create a shadow of a doubt that the grainy traffic enforcement picture might not actually be YOU, driving YOUR car. You must create this shadow of a doubt even though the snapshot strongly resembles YOU and has technical timestamps proving six ways to Sunday that yes, the person in the drivers seat did actually enter the intersection AFTER the light turned red. Things looked bad, they looked real bad. But I had an ace up my sleeve – I had my trusty iPhone.

Above is the “alleged” photo of me running a red light.

You see, there on my iPhone was a picture of someone who looked enough like me that she could have been a relative who had just happened to drive my car. Basically the court just wants to see proof. It worked to my advantage that I gave proof in a way that the court had never seen before. Both the prosecuting officer and the Judge we so distracted by the sleek beauty and glossy appeal of my iPhone that she ruled in my favor. Or at least that’s the story I like to tell myself.

It’s probably closer to the truth to say that she had doubts and thought the woman in the photo might be mistaken for me. But, for my part, thanks to Neptune, I’ve fallen a little deeper in love with my iPhone. I know it’s not healthy, I know people will condemn our love – but I can’t help it, I’m a geek.

I am PISCES: Dream me – Ruled by Neptune

Imaginative, poetic, glamorous, and ethereal are the FISH folk among us. Like the inhabitants of their underwater wonderland these people seem to live life by a different set of rules than those of us on solid land. Gravity may not apply, and visuals get all distorted and hypnotic once you enter the domain of a PISCES person. Frothy and bubbly these people skip across the surface of life, playing with reflections on the surface of the water.

Like the proverbial bathing beauty in a bath full of bubbles, there is a certain allure and lyricism to their every move. No doubt the term ‘poetry in motion,’ was coined to describe one of these misty creatures. It doesn’t seem to matter how crisp the lighting is, your PISCEAN always seems a little bit blurry. It could just be the illusions and fantasies that your FISHY FRIEND manufactures as a matter of course clouding your eyes. Blink, blink, and now this FISH may seem to have changed shape, or size, or clothing, or… something.

It’s just that they are so damned sensitive! Hurt a FISH’S feelings and suddenly they go all cold fish on you, freezing you with the icicles that fall off their scaly selves. It can be really difficult to get a handle on this elusive creature. And don’t expect them to help you much either. She is far too enamored with her own variable, mystical, lyrical, changeable nature. He loves being an International Man of Mystery way too much to let you in on his secrets. The PISCES, to be sure is having a grand old time keeping everyone guessing whom he or she really is.

They are in fact fascinated with disguise, costume and illusion. ‘Ahhh, the roar of the crowd! The Smell of the greasepaint,’ is her anthem. Indeed this can be extremely confusing, not just to you, but to the FISH PERSON themselves. All this chameleon business can get pretty confusing. It’s just that they are so acutely psychically aware of what you want from them and the illusions that you project on them, who could blame them for helping you believe exactly what they want you to believe? Once in a while your PISCES can be a little bit deceptive, after all he is a master illusionist, move over Sigfreid and Roy.

The trouble is, sometimes she loses track of which person she really is in the process, and upon waking from an illusion soaked dream world she must face someone in the mirror. And this can send our two-directional FISH onto a long spiritual journey where they may discover that they can access even better ecstatic states of consciousness without drugs than they ever managed with them. You see the soul of the PISCES is seeking the spiritual source, and they are all natural mystics with a certain sway and influence over others.

Through learning to embrace their polar opposite VIRGO the PISCES person learns to pay attention to the details, to be clear, routine, and healthy. Once these lessons are integrated we find our fine FISHY fellow breaking down their talents into nice little palatable bites for the rest of us to share in, and like manna from heaven the PISCES teaches us to fulfill our spiritual needs and thereby nourish our souls and give life meaning. No small task to be sure. It’s no wonder that so many of them seek to avoid it and play in the shallow realms of life.

If you love a FISH provide them with lots of delight and poetry. Buy her gems, art and make-up. Take him to a show, the glitzier the better. Go on a pilgrimage with them, or better yet help them start their own religion. You will never tire of the endless ways your PISCES comes up with to keep your attention and fulfill your every fantasy.

NEPTUNE was one son of URANUS in Greek myth. After JUPITER liberated his two brothers, NEPTUNE and PLUTO from their father’s belly they had to decide on territory for each to rule. They divided their father’s kingdom into three realms; the heavens, the underworld, and the depths of the oceans. JUPITER won rulership of Mount Olympus (the heavens), PLUTO got Hades (the underworld) and NEPTUNE became the king of the oceans (the psychic realms). When in the water, images become distorted, gravity is different and movement takes on a new dimension. Therefore NEPTUNE represents illusion, glamour, feelings of a psychic nature and anything that is generally confusing.

NEPTUNE lives at the bottom of the ocean where gems and riches are everywhere, but they are certainly not easy to get to using ordinary methods. NEPTUNE however does not need riches, since his world is rich with food, and life is simple. NEPTUNE represents the astral plane, which is the Dream State, world of imagination. Our normal senses fail us in their normal use when we are dealing with this planet’s energy. In order to obtain the gifts NEPTUNE has for us we must learn to relate to him on his terms. NEPTUNE is a benevolent god figure, but he is completely uninterested in the mundane workings of our everyday lives. He is only interested in the soul. For this reason his domain includes; religion, mysticism, inspirational art, gems, jewelry, music and poetry. NEPTUNE struggles to illuminate the soul’s experience even within the limited means we have when not in the water.

NEPTUNE has a propensity for living in a dream world, this makes for great poets but under it’s influence we might forget to take the trash out. The greatest challenge in dealing with NEPTUNE is sorting reality out from fantasy. A little fantasy can be a good thing, in fact the soul craves it. But taken too far, fantasy can lead to delusion, fanaticism, drug addiction, or even mental illness. A strong NEPTUNE in the Natal Chart can impart psychic gifts, but the way these gifts are used is completely up to the individual.

NEPTUNE is the ocean, and all other forms of water for that matter. NEPTUNE makes us aware that we are all mostly made of water and for this reason it is no secret to him that we are really all one, even though the convention of our reality prevents us from seeing that. But if we listen to him we can sense it. It is through this inner sensing that we come to know our own soul by way of dreams, visions and love of humanity.

Since NEPTUNE rules Pisces, all Pisces natives will need to define reality and their spiritual purpose within it during their lifetime. They must learn to confront unpleasantness and deal with it, thereby transcending the ordinary human limitations, which frustrate them and lead the rest of us to the mystic realms, which they consider their real home. For more information about NEPTUNE on your personality, you may want to have a Natal Chart Interpretation.